🛡️New and Improved! "This Week in Noemland Security," Vol. 1, No. 15
📣 New Format, Same Chaos!
Northern Plains News graphic.
By Todd Epp, Northern Plains News
Welcome to the new and improved This Week in Noemland Security — now fact-checked, categorized, and accessorized with weekly awards, verified quotes, and GOP posture rankings.
Same unfiltered look at South Dakota’s most overexposed export, just with fewer typos and more receipts.
From buoy barriers to cannibal claims, Secretary Noem continues to bless us with content. Let’s dive in.
🎖️ “Border Is a State of Mind” Award
Seventeen miles of buoy barriers are now floating along the Rio Grande—approved via Noem’s DHS waiver—even though crossings have dropped roughly 72 percent year over year.
“Texas border militarization ramps up with attempt to 'seal' Rio Grande” – MySanAntonio, July 12, 2025
📢 Quote of the Week
“All of you…give me advice…including how to fire people who don’t like us.”
“Noem asks DHS advisers for help firing people ‘who don’t like us’” – Federal News Network, July 10, 2025
🐘 GOP Posturing Power Rankings
1. “Alligator Alcatraz” Defense Tour
Noem defended a budget line for floating migrant camps in interviews across Fox, Newsmax, and Axios.
“Trump and Noem dig in on Alligator Alcatraz” – Axios, July 13, 2025
2. FEMA Bottleneck Accusations
Officials say Noem’s requirement that she personally sign FEMA contracts delayed aid four days in Texas floods.
“ICE Barbie Delayed Texas Aid While Asking Instagram…” – The Daily Beast, July 10, 2025
3. Ending TPS Protections
DHS rolled back Temporary Protected Status for more than 75,000 Central Americans, offering $1,000 ‘exit bonuses.’
Confirmed via DHS Instagram post, July 11, 2025
📰 This Week’s Noemland Headlines
“Kristi Noem failed to disclose $80,000 received while South Dakota governor – report” – The Guardian, July 1, 2025
“Trump administration defends immigration tactics after California worker death” – Reuters, July 14, 2025
Noem and Homan vow to appeal judge’s freeze on the ICE raid.“Kristi Noem claims cannibal 'started to eat himself' on ICE deportation flight” – People, July 13, 2025
“Secretary Noem Protects American Taxpayers Against Wasteful Contracts…” – DHS.gov, July 11, 2025
“Noem cancels contracts with ESG for two Offshore Patrol Cutters” – MarineLog, July 15, 2025
🤡 Meanwhile, on Social Media…
“ICE Barbie raged at 'trash' who leaked FEMA delay” – The Daily Beast, July 14, 2025
Tim Walz called Noem “the antithesis of the South Dakota I know” at a July 13 fundraiser. (Citation pending)
🔭 Coming Soon from NPN
Special Report: What Noem’s DHS is really building — budgets, blueprints, and quiet contracts.
State Angle: Larry Rhoden and the return of boring competence.
📅 Next Edition
Drops Friday, July 18 at noon. Stay tuned.
Department of Homeland Security (DHS) Secretary Kristi Noem participates in U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) Enforcement and Removal Operations (ERO) in Los Angeles, California, June 12, 2025. (DHS photo by Tia Dufour/Released)